They All Have Their Shit

The Target & Amazon merger has been all a buzz at the start of this Gregorian year.

As discussions arise, I find myself in the midst of a gaseous cloud of Walmart despise.

What is so hateful about this general merchandise entity to people who never shop there or is this hatred based on what they have soaked up from headlines & sensationalized stories?

Yes, Target has been named in the past as one of the most ethical stores but that begs the question based on whose ethics? I mean, if you’ve paid attention to business ops, that doesn’t really encourage me to put all my preverbial eggs in the Target basket.

Walmart was named one of the most charitable companies.

How many research every business entity being patronized in order to unmask their unethical practices?

Many people love Chick-Fil-a but I don’t consider them to be ethical and, thus, do not give them any money. I firmly believe  religion and business should not mix unless your business is religion. Religion itself is biased and contradictory so it’s hard to use religion to justify your beliefs and/or actions. If you do so, you will be expected to fully embrace and act accordingly within that religious path and they do not.

I’m sure, if you dig deep enough, the unfavorable will come up for any company you may frequent. At the end of the day, all you can do is support the company that works best for your lifestyle (i.e. convenience, cost, quality, etc.).

Stay Shanafied…



My 19-year old daughter who lives in New York is visiting me in Colorado this week.

We plan for a pretty lax week as she has enough hustle and bustle at home.

My daughter has lived away from me for the majority of her life. At a little over three years old, I made the decision to send her to New York to live with a paternal aunt.

It was a difficult decision but I had to decide if I wanted to subject us all (myself, my son, my daughter, and any potential partners I may have) to a life of constant conflict, turmoil, and violence by keeping full custody of her and having to deal with her father or if I wanted to give her the best chance of a peaceful life with a neutral party that would facilitate both parents.

The journey has been full of joys and prideful moments. She has had a good life and has had many opportunities I would not have been able to give her. However, she has also come up very sheltered so I worry about her moving through life independently and confidently.

Stay Shanafied…

Another Preventable Death (DV)

A few days ago, I ran across an article that discussed a man rapping about killing his girlfriend after he had done so.

Prior to this, attempts made to shed light on this abusive person, and to gain protection, were unsuccessful.

The girlfriend and her family had made several attempts, beginning in early 2018, to obtain a restraining order against him due to his behavior and several violent incidents the girlfriend suffered through.

Each request was denied which, unfortunately, is too often the case.

Not until a year later was a protective order granted and that was only after the man had attacked the elderly neighbor, who lived in the house the girlfriend ran to, after another violent encounter with the boyfriend.

Thereafter, even with the reported history and the most recent incident, the prosecutor still opted to release the boyfriend with electronic monitoring versus keeping him in jail as requested.

After law enforcement discovered the dude had removed his monitor and then admitted to killing his girlfriend, via public freestyle, once they caught up with him, it took them five hours to apprehend him from an immobile vehicle.

Five hours?  I cannot share this without expressing my outrage and recognizing how different this situation would have turned out had it involved a person of color. There is no way it would have taken five hours to apprehend someone whose only barrier,  between themselves and the cops, was an immobile car. Where is the cop who likes to bust out windows and yank people out of cars, with or without beating, when people of color are involved?

Also, why did it take police five hours before someone got the bright idea to smoke him out with tear gas?

Stay Shanafied…



Today, a person who is very special to me will be interred and so much seems out of sync in the world.

Derrick Woods was my first love, my first lover, my first coming of age boyfriend, my first fiancé, and my first alien encounter.:)

He died unexpectedly in his home on Sunday, August 4, 2019. He is 45 years old.

Derrick and I danced around and within each others’ lives since I was 12 years old. We lived in two different worlds but, in spite of it, we were connected in such a profound and unique way. This connection kept us tethered to each other so, no matter where life had us, we remained in each others’ orbit.

I do have regrets but I know we have lived the lives we were meant to live.

One year after I broke off our engagement and ended our relationship, because I was ignorant about Marine life and in my feelings, Angie found him and he married her. That union produced two amazing children that Derrick was devoted to. Though, his marriage wasn’t perfect he had a renewed devotion to his wife once he found out she was sick. He loved her immensely and made the best of the time he had left with her.

I let my unfavorable encounters with his wife, and his struggle with the relationship and his emotional battles for her and me, drive a wedge between us for a number of years. Then, I let the pristine memory he projected of his wife further alienate us.

I regret fighting so hard against our relationship when he revealed he was completely content living in Texas and I was determined to leave it and never look back.

I regret not pursuing him when he called out of the blue in 2012 to tell me about his first bout with a tumor on his brain.

We, once again, reconnected last year around the first anniversary of my mother’s death. We spoke almost every day from then through the second quarter of this year. He provided all of the support I needed and pulled me out of the darkness I had fallen into throughout that time. We embraced our history and reminisced. He reminded me of the connection we have and love we share and renewed my lease on life.

I regret sidestepping the opportunity to spend time with him last year when he presented it to me after he went to see his son in Chicago.

I regret not calling him weeks ago when it was on my mind and I regret not calling him last week at the anniversary of when he reached out to me last year.

As I struggle through the second year after my mother’s death and birthday, my grief is now compounded as I have lost another vital part of me in very close proximity. I have lost one of the few people who could recall my past, someone who held mementos of that time. I have lost one of the few people who truly loved me in this world. I have lost one of the few people who really knew me, saw me, and accepted me as I am. I have lost one of the few people who was an alien like me, living in this world but moving through it and processing it in an uncommon way. I have lost a confidante. I have lost an eternal possibility.

Each year, for the last three, I have lost someone vital. Is this what each year holds for me now? I don’t know if I can endure another loss of this magnitude.

Stay Shanafied…

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things


Doctor Who

Music that moves me

Scooby Doo

A good horror movie

A  great horror or dark fantasy book

Bob’s Burgers


The night sky

Satisfying Sex

Teen Titans Go

Scooby snacks

Vanilla custard shake w/butterscotch, caramel, and/or toffee & walnuts

Thoughts of my offspring

60 degree weather

Delicious food

New experiences

Various cartoons


Performance Art




What to Write?

As I sift through 78 pages of past blog post from my now defunct page, in an attempt to revive a previous thought, I’m still at a loss. I just don’t have much to say right now.

My birthday was on January 13th and was peaceful and lackadaisical.  I am days away from my son’s 24th birthday. I am days away from the day that will mark the sixth month since my mother’s death. I am awaiting word from my brother about his mother who fell into a coma a few days ago yet all tests have provided no reasoning. I am planning a trip to New York to attend my daughter’s high school graduation in June. I’m reviewing my finances to prepare for some legalities I am pursuing. I’m pondering hobbies to pursue. I’m applying for new volunteer opportunities for causes that are important to me. I am narrowing down my side gig options. I am researching vacation layaway sites.

The wheels are spinning but there is nothing that I need to express in detail at this time so until then…

Stay Shanafied*


I have to fight against an incessant urge that encourages me to wander around, wrapping each big, naked, tree I see with a blanket and embracing it.

They live and they shed all of their layers to endure the harshest of Winter weather without any relief.