The End of the Crack

Cracks are unnecessary. I wish, instead of a break between butt cheeks, it was one solid bubble. You know, like a boil.

I’ve learned the reason it exists is because we have two legs so the butt cheek is an extension of the leg, on either side, and helps with the musculature bilaterally.

I don’t like it. It’s another area to clean and, also, become dry and irritated. Not sure if you’ve experienced this but there’s nothing worse than crackly, irritated dry skin along your crack.

That is all.

Be well and stay uncommonly…

The Reality in Dreams

The majority of my dreams are nonsensical. They usually pair people I know with people I don’t know, in places I would never see either of them in, and in the most fantastical situations.

Those dreams are confusing but not bothersome.

But the dreams that seem more realistic? The ones that include loved ones in likely environments, with bad results, are the most unnerving.

I haven’t had many of these dreams but, those I have had, I still remember every detail and they rattle me, now, just as much as they did when I originally had them.

I recently had one of these dreams. It involved my son, at his current age (28), and mob-like whites.

I don’t know where it came from but it was horrible. I woke up before the finale and refused to go back to sleep until I felt it was cleared from the corners of my mind. I didn’t want to risk falling back into the dream once I managed to sleep again.

Luckily, my experiences with horrible dreams pushed me to learn about some of the common meanings behind them. Due to this, the events of the dream didn’t bleed into my day but…I still do not like having them.

I’d rather continue to dream of Stripes and his crew from Gremlins. 🙂

Until next time…

Stay uncommon~

Planning

…a new life.

As I’ve recently shared, I was linked to a Yahoo guy for over a year. He didn’t do it the traditional way but he was still easily discernable to other Nigerians. Let’s be honest, to non-Nigerian men, also. However, I made the decision to continue against all sense.:/ Though, I felt something was amiss, I willed myself to lessen my doubt in an attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, even now, I continue to discover evidence of his deceit, disrespect, and disloyalty on display for all the world to see. I’ve accepted that I allowed myself to be taken advantage of, to an extent, against my better judgment. Lesson learned.

There is no pause for me, though. Mainly, because my connection in that situation started waning long before I actually ended it. Also, regardless of the falsehood, I played my part genuinely so I see no reason to suffer or delay my movements because someone else failed.

With that said, after clearing my doorway of the trash blocking entry to others, I have been able to witness the actions of someone who truly is interested and has genuine intentions. Had I known the family is usually notified of the relationship and the intentions (to include timelines), I would have immediately understood the Yahoo in my life was self-serving and fraudulent. I’ve witnessed the conversations and steps taken by someone who truly wants to live in union and relocate. I also clearly understand, now, that a genuine man of value would never so comfortably request financial assistance from a woman, whether he asks directly or only bitches and moans about his situation to manipulate his way into gaining assistance.

How clear things become. I am thankful for IG: mrbenceo and the experience therein. I wouldn’t be here, with a renewed perspective, and new opportunities, without that detour to show me what life shouldn’t consist of. I’m still healing but I didn’t lose anything I cannot regain a thousand fold.

Until next time…

Stay uncommon~

Gender Role Illusions

I understand the sentiment but I think the meme has always been misleading. Every relationship has roles. They just shouldn’t be based on gender. Nothing should really be based on gender that is created. There is not one task that has been rolled out in history as only for females or only for males. Societies have done that and many humans have complied. Each person’s role in a relationship is the same. Be mindful, respectful, active, pondering, enriching, supportive, pursuing, loving, and considerate. If you express those things in all that you do, you are fulfilling the role you were given to play. The details of who does what and when should only be decided by those involved in the relationship. We’d be so much better as a people if we would let go of these concepts that have been forced upon us.

End to Begin…Again

What do you do when the person you’ve claimed to be in a relationship with moves in a way that completely contradicts the expressed plan?

I’ve been with Benjamin Adeoye for over a year in a long distance relationship that was meant to only be long distance for six to nine months. Then, January 2022 came and went, March 2022 came and went, June 2022 came and went with no return and no update on a return date. Then, the relationship reached its peak at the end of May 2022 when I found out he was hiding things from me.

By happenstance, I discovered Ben was consulting for a startup, hosting events, establishing and heading a business association, and schmoozing with business owners in fancy clothing over the course of 2022 and, most likely, longer than that. These activities, on the surface, were not problematic so it still escapes me why he felt the need to hide these things from me and stitch together statements, along the way, to keep me complacent.

However, it was the aftermath that showed me the side of him that was underdeveloped, self-absorbed and, truly, delusional. Not only did he resort to gaslighting, he continued to move in contradictory ways by telling me he made a mistake, and would be honest going forward, all while proceeding to block me from his personal page and one business page immediately and, then, blocking me from two additional business pages over the following weeks. How he convinced himself, and others, of the acceptable nature of these actions against his partner, his supposed wife, is beyond me.

The full, necessary conversation about the entire situation was then delayed for weeks because, he ended up being “sick”, claiming he was going to the doctor for regular testing and counsel.

When the conversation finally took place, we were unable to come to an amicable conclusion. He stated his actions were based on his own hang-ups but he did not take that as a sign to reverse his decision. When it came to social media, he expressed how social media was an issue in a previous relationship so he chose to allow that baggage to guide his actions in the current relationship. Let’s be clear…social media doesn’t cause the issue. How people conduct themselves on social media and what they share on social media versus what they share with their partner and how they present themselves to their partner is where the issues arise. If you’re misrepresenting yourself in either capacity, social media tends to bring that to light.

I clearly stated what was broken in the relationship and what I needed to begin to repair it. He clearly stated he would not be able to take the course of action necessary for me to do so. That left me with very few choices regarding the longevity of the relationship. The relationship had been dead for a while because, it became obvious to me, that the little he was offering had started dwindling to less than crumbs. The time spent was always flitting and explained away with some lame excuse. This means the communication was sparse and fulfilling communication was nonexistent. None of this decreased the demand for monthly assistance, though, much of which helped make the interactions he was having and appearances he was making possible, without my knowledge.

I’m not going to go into anymore detail than that as (1) I don’t want to dredge up feelings I have managed to calm and (2) the details are irrelevant, at this point. What I will say is…it’s amazing how clear things become. It’s like a harsh light illuminates all of the space you’re in and you see everything in it’s true form; things that have been there all along but covered by fog.

The opening question was rhetorical. You know what I did. The light removed the fog and I’m glad it’s gone. It has freed me to pursue that which is truly meant for me.

I’m going to be gentle with myself and rebuild.

~Stay copacetic*

That COVID Life

When COVID entered our lives, I was starting a period of rest after resigning from my director’s position. I did battle a severe cold virus at the end of 2019 but it was too early to be related to the pandemic virus.

With that said, though, I was already in a quarantined state when the virus blew up. My son and his wife moved out in early March 2020 and, by the time the orders started going out, I was alone and occupying myself with solo at-home hobbies and online socializing. I managed to maintain minimal exposure by already having the household items stocked, that everyone was going berserk behind, and by having all groceries delivered.

I must admit…a lot of it was a good time for me. I do enjoy socializing but don’t have to be in anyone’s face. I’m okay with text, calls, emails, and video chat for the most part. I enjoyed the way the pandemic forced everyone to slow down, to be intentional, to be present. Throughout this time, the only illness I experienced was a headache or two and a couple days of sniffles. I got vaccinated in the Summer of 2021.

Here we are, Summer 2022, and I have finally caught COVID. I’m not sure exactly when or where but I know the morning of July 1 seems to be the first I struggled with sleep and bodily discomfort. However, I don’t recall the first signs of sniffles or tickles until July 4. I rapid tested on July 7. It is now July 11, and I’m still coughing up mucus, battling loose booty juice, low energy, and seem to settle into a headache every evening. Very inconvenient timing. More than usual, I mean.

I am better than I was late last week so I know it’s running it’s course. Hopefully, it’ll let up enough over the next two days so I can start my travels. I was juggling so much, around the time I caught it, I know I slacked a bit on my regular precautions. I won’t do that shit again. I’m going to booster and make sure I continue with masks, gloves, and the cleansing of Everything.

Stay safe & uncommon…

Leaky Eyes

I can’t remember the last time I cried myself to sleep.

The only memory that comes to mind is from the late 90s when I chose to be a Norplant guinea pig and suffered excruciating abdominal pain because of it. My son’s father would, feeling helpless, hold me until I finally fell unconscious each night until I got that thing removed.

I find myself in a situation where this has become the norm. It’s a reaction to betrayal, confusion, and uncertainty. It’s painful when you commit your time, emotion, and resource to someone only to discover something has been amiss. It’s even more painful when that someone downplays and dismisses your reaction to their transgressions.

We’re over a year in and I’m at a crossroad. I’m not sure which path I’m going to take currently. All I know is, I have to take one so I can be at peace.

Why do people lie? Some would adamantly tell you it’s to protect you from hurt and, on some level, they may truly believe that. But…the truth is…at the core of it all…people lie because they want the benefit but not the consequence. Just another selfish action with no real consideration for those being deceived. And the deceivers only become sorry when the lies have been revealed. Some may really feel remorse for what they’ve done but they are more sorry about having to now endure the consequence of their action.

Stay uncommon…

The Shots Between Us

Today, June 5, 2022, a gunmen opened fire in the midst of church service at St. Francis in Owo, Ondu state, Nigeria. The final death toll has yet to be determined but they fear up to 50 people may have been killed.

In the United States, three people were killed, and eleven injured, in downtown Philadelphia on June 4th. Three people were shot and killed outside of Cornerstone Church in Ames, Iowa on June 2nd. Two people were shot and injured at a funeral taking place at Graceland Cemetery in Racine Wisconsin on June 2nd. Five people were shot and killed at St. Francis Hospital in Tulsa, Oklahoma on June 1st. Twenty-one people were shot and killed at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, Texas on May 24th. Ten people were shot and killed at a grocery store in Buffalo, NY on May 17th.

We know people are getting shot and killed, around the world, daily. Many of these instances go untelevised or are reported on a small scale through media or print. Mass shootings, defined as a shooting that injures/kills at least two people in one incident, are also very common and suffer the same minimal reporting. At this point in the year, in the US, there have been almost 300 shootings classified under mass.

Nigerians are devastated and lashing out due to the shooting incident today because, contrary to popular belief, this type of violence isn’t seen often in the country.

People in the US, on the other hand, throw “thoughts and prayers” at this shit, blame the circumstances on everything but gun control, then push it under the rug as they move on to talk about Elon Musk, The Kardashians, and complaining about people being lazy because they don’t want to work a job that pays less than the cost-of-living for their area.

It’s sad that we endure these incidents, year after year, and nothing has changed with the laws surrounding guns. I’m not sure about the Nigerian government’s relationship to guns and gun organizations but I know, in the US, the government is contently filled with the dicks of the gun industry’s various entities. They are completely bought out.

There’s a problem here but because many in the US are so brainwashed by, and combative about what they view as their “freedom”, we’re stuck on this reel. Real change will require confiscation of some guns. Real change will require a revamping of the background check system to include initial, and regular, psychological testing. Real change will require funding for mental health professionals and services.

What won’t change these circumstances is a return to religion, the church, or nuclear family. What won’t change these circumstances is arming teachers, providing bulletproof attire to children, or further militarizing law enforcement. What won’t change these circumstances is resistance to stricter gun vetting laws and screening requirements. What won’t change these circumstances is the categorizing of the assailants and victims based on your biased view of personhood and value. What won’t change these circumstances are your thoughts and prayers.

~Stay uncommon

If It’s Not Your Identity, Busy Yourself

I listened to a video about Taye Diggs and his “fall from grace” in the Black community. It discussed how he was the fawned-over leading man, in the 90s, until he was linked to Idina Menzel (main claim to fame – Frozen vocals). Many women in the Black community felt betrayed because…frankly, they were extremely ignorant about the insignificance of race/culture when it came to potential love interests during that time.

However, Taye Diggs is not off the hook. In an attempt to share his thoughts about interracial dating, he made some statements that weren’t received very well, at the time. Now, I am not aware of Everything he may have stated so I am basing my perspective on what was covered in the YouTube video posted by RealRealityGossip.

Taye Diggs stated, in response to comments made about the son he had with his then wife, that he didn’t want his son to have to choose between being black and being white. He wanted him to be proud of who he was and wanted him to be able to, on his own terms, include both parents. He went on to say he didn’t want his son in a situation where he called himself black and people assumed he had two Black parents. <<<This last statement is unnecessary because it’s irrelevant what random people think.

People called him ignorant. Accused him of setting his son up for an identity crisis and stating he needed to face his own self-hate issues.

In additional statements, Taye voiced how he thought people should recognize Obama for being biracial versus the first Black president. He stated “It would be great if it didn’t matter and people could call him mixed”.

Now, from my perspective, I don’t totally disagree with Taye. I do think other factors surrounding the comments, and the point in time, contributed to the narrative and the reaction.

With that said, I believe, when it comes to one’s cultural makeup, Black people suffer from the same problem that white people do. What I mean is…in the same way white people respond with “We’re all American” when discussing race and shunning the use of specific cultural identifiers which is, basically, an attempt to erase all other cultural backgrounds that affect a multicultural person’s experience; Black people also suffer from continuing to perpetuate the one-drop rule (i.e. one Black ancestor equals 100% Black identity) implemented by said whites which is, also, an attempt to erase all other cultural backgrounds that shape the experiences of a person who is directly multicultural. By directly, I mean a person who has immediate family of different cultural backgrounds versus the “My great, great, great grandfather was part Native” varieties. For instance, Kamala Harris has a mother who is very clearly South Asian Indian. To not acknowledge that when referring to her cultural makeup, is like denying her mother’s own culture and the influence it has had on Kamala’s life.

Now, it’s understood that the majority of society will see the melanin in our skin and treat us accordingly. However, that is out of our control. That doesn’t mean that a multicultural person should not identify as such. It’s ignorance that believes otherwise and those who believe otherwise are, basically, attempting to strip a person of a portion of their identity in the same way the masses attempt to do to those who identify as Black and participate in Blackness. Furthermore, Black people need to be accountability for the roles they play in the identity crises of multicultural people AND, Black people in general who don’t fit the stereotypical “Black mold” like Taye Diggs. In my own experience, Black people caused more damage than anyone in this category.

The very ironic thing is this only seems to happen with Black people. People of other cultural mixtures, identify, and are identified, as such with no issue.

28 Years Ago Today

At 740a, at Grady Hospital in San Antonio, Texas, my son was born. He was a regular-size bundle with a head full of hair.

My son was a wonderful infant. From the moment we got home, he slept through the night, pretty much. He was a quiet, mild-tempered baby.

My son has always been a solid, sound foundation which is very fitting because his name means rock or stone settlement usually surrounding an area as protection.

That is my son. I am proud of who he is and grateful for his presence in my life.